Learning to trust again.

He is...

2010-01-24T17:27:00.000-08:00

great is the Lord, so worthy of praise
great is the Lord

one generation will
commend Your kingdom
to one another
they will speak of You
and i will meditate
on Your wonder
and they, they will speak
of Your glorious splendor
of Your majesty
everyday i'll praise thee
forever and ever

everyday i will praise
for You open Your hand
and satisfy desires of all things
my God the King

the Lord is gracious
and slow to anger
He is rich in love
He is good to all

all who call on Him
in truth He is near to
and He hears their cry
and saves them
--- Shane Barnard

Father, if nothing else, draw me back unto you...

One hope

2009-01-19T16:20:00.000-08:00

Let us no longer suffer the pain that comes from a divided heart. This world will pass along with any idols that we have put before the Father. Let us give our lives to the source of all things good, the God of all creation.

Amen.

Lighter still

2009-01-19T14:05:00.000-08:00

I spent some time recently caught up in myself and unwilling to do the one thing that God had been calling me to do... To get completely honest with people around me and with myself.

I never really noticed how much we all hide, at least I know I do... I have been hiding and practicing lies since birth but I speak specifically about after my salvation. When recalling stories before my friends I always leave out the things that I find humiliating and exaggerate the things that I believe made me look tougher or more masculine.

For example I often have no problem telling people about the many fights I have been involved in. The problem comes when I know I am called by God to be honest, to say that I was scared to death of fighting, rarely ever did, and when I did I was forced. I try to protect my old image all of the time.

I am coming to realize that as long as we protect this old image, a piece of us holds on to it, building and strengthening it, keeping us from walking fully in our new man. When someone protects the old image or gives it power, what they are doing is giving it means to survive and until we get truly, deeply, and painfully honest with each other and with the Father, this "old man" nature WILL survive.

I encourage you all to get real. Find someone to lay it all out to, and I mean everything. No longer defend or glorify that beast that lives within but instead strangle it with the very light of our Lord. Stop letting IT strangle YOU.

So I leave you all with a question I was asked that has changed my life. Have you ever been truly, deeply free and unhidden?..... If no then why not?....

No control.

2008-10-03T10:07:00.000-07:00

Throughout my entire life I have tried to control everything around me. I have tried to control the small things and the big things of life. I can look back now and see that I really had no control over...anything. For some reason I still try to control things. You would think that looking back on a life of destruction and chaos would show me just how unable I am to control situations. If I had any control along the way then why have I been hurt by people? why was I drug addicted? why am I not free from every one of my flaws or issues? Because I have no control...

I find it weird that I still try. I still freak out when things don't go as planned. I still lack trust in so many areas of my life...

God I thank you that you have been in control. I thank you Father that you have kept me. I thank you for your grace in my life and for the patience that you have extended to me. I ask God that you would teach me how to surrender fully to your will, your plans, and your hand in my life. Father will you remove from me the false sense of control that I have held onto. Father will you teach me how to trust you with everything in this life you have given me. As Proverbs 3 says, let me not lean onto my own understanding but acknowledge you in all ways so that you can direct my path. I thank you Father for the work you are doing in me and I thank you that you love me enough to see these things released from me. You are Holy Father and you are so faithful to complete the work in me. In the name of your Son, Jesus Christ, amen.

(1 Samuel 2:6-9) "The LORD kills and makes alive; He brings down to the grave and brings up. {7} The LORD makes poor and makes rich; He brings low and lifts up. {8} He raises the poor from the dust And lifts the beggar from the ash heap, To set them among princes And make them inherit the throne of glory. "For the pillars of the earth are the Lord's, And He has set the world upon them. {9} He will guard the feet of His saints, But the wicked shall be silent in darkness. "For by strength no man shall prevail.

Slaves to Righteousness

2008-10-02T20:07:00.000-07:00

When you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? The end of those things is death. But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. -- Romans 6:20-23.

Let us not walk in the Old man nature that is so easily taken up. Let us truly become who you have destined us and set us out to be. Show us the reality of our freedom and let us accept and embrace it in fullness. Teach us to be led by you in our minds and our hearts in every matter and to trust you fully. Thank you Father for who you are and your grace that flows over each one of us. Amen.

Guatemala

2008-09-17T21:24:00.001-07:00

Recently a team of about 10 of my close friends and I went to Guatemala for 10 days to share life with, and minister to the people of a village called Panimaquin.
I started the trip out, to be honest, with my heart in the wrong place. I was disconnected from the group in my heart and had a general pissed off kind of attitude. After a day of traveling, we got to the Village. This really called a lot of things back to my memory of a trip that I had taken there last year. I almost instantly felt connected with the people of the village again. It was very interesting to see how people had grown both physically and spiritually.
After the first two days I really felt back on track and was able to get closer to some of the young men that worked and went to school on the project. Me and a couple of the guys put a new styrofoam (Yes, very far from the comforts of home) ceiling in the church building. This helped for insulation and better sound quality throughout the building. The ceiling project allowed me to just hang out with the male employees on the project and really helped me in my times of prayer for them.
About halfway into the trip we had a youth rally and the first night we split into girl/guy groups. Both groups turned out to really recieve from the messages that were spoken. In the guys group one of the young men told us that he loved us. This was extremely rare because of the hardness of many mens hearts in that culture (It actually made the pastor that was translating cry).
The second night of the youth rally we had some worship and then we got to pray over the teens of the area. This meeting was truly amazing and the Father showed up in a mighty way in many peoples lives.
Ministry continued throughout the week and God really put upon peoples hearts that they would be returning to Panimaquin for a much longer time. In fact some have changed majors in college and began to shape their lives around the ministry that is to be done in that area.
This trip truly changed alot of things in me and it broke me to see just how blessed americans are in some ways and in others, they are anything but blessed.
I would like to write more about the experiences and the people but I am running short on time so I will be posting excerpts from my journal in a couple of days.
In the meantime and in the future I would ask that anyone reading this would pray for this village of Panimaquin, that they would recieve revival and that God would be established as king over that region.

A look back...

2008-07-07T19:26:00.000-07:00

This past week has been a big one for me. I must say this week has been a hard one for me as well. I have taken a lot of time to think about a lot of things. I have taken a look at the things I have slacked on recently and I have taken a look at the things that I should have given less attention to. There are some things that I would like to share, in hope that it would encourage you all as it has encouraged me.

Most of the people I spend my time with know a lot about my past. They know the things I was involved in and the things that meant the world to me. Drugs enveloped my mind and my actions. Lust for the things of this world was stronger than I can even recognize at this point.

As I took a look back at that life, my heart began to pound and I became instantly nauseous. I was shocked. I was shocked to the point that my immediate reaction was that of disgust and the first thought that came to my head was something like this... "I could never live that life again. Never, ever, ever, again."

At this point I am so filled with gladness because it has been a while since I have taken the time to slow down and see what my Father has taken me from... I have been delivered from sure destruction. That idea can usually be tossed around quite easily with me to be completely honest (not something I am proud of). It can be tossed around because I have rarely taken the time to slow down enough for that reality to set in. Right now, in this moment, that reality has me stunned.

I thank you Father for the Grace you have consistently extended to me. I thank you Father for being my Redeemer, my Savior, my Leader, my Father who has loved me in my time of need. I thank you Jesus for shedding your blood so that I can be free from my prison.

Father let me never again begin to lose sight of who you have been and what you really mean to me. Amen.

Unconditional love

2008-06-25T20:36:00.000-07:00

There have been plenty of times throughout my walk as a lover of God where I have let shame get the best of me. In fact, I can say that shame has been one of the biggest things holding me back from what God has planned for me. Geez... shame.... why is it even present? To think that God's love is conditional is probably the biggest lie that I have ever fed into. The more I go on the more I realize that God does not even see my wrongs. I know that God is all seeing and I know that all of you have probably heard that one a time or two but seriously... God does not see our wrongs.

When the bible tells us that "God so loved the world", how does that get twisted into "God so loved the ones who follow his commands?" Reality is God gave his son for a people that were covered in sin. God's love never changes and his forgiveness will be forever extended to anyone that is willing to get over themselves and receive it. Debts are paid, sins are washed away, faults are unseen to those who are willing to accept it. I refuse to believe the lie that tells me God's love can be cut short.

God loves those of you who can only be counted on to fail.
God loves those of you that hate yourselves.
God loves those of you that just cannot meet the mark.
God's love is extended through EVERYTHING.

Romans 8:37-39 But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Thank you father.

Word of God

2008-02-29T14:58:00.000-08:00

O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting? For sting is the sin that results in death, and the law gives sin in its power. How we thank God, who gives us victory over sin and death through Jesus Christ our Lord! So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and steady, always enthusiastic about the Lord's work, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless. --1 Corinthians 15:55-58

Stay strong, stay steady, stay ready, pursue the Father when you do not want to.

Word of Encouragement

2008-02-04T19:21:00.000-08:00

Hello to all.
I just wanted to come and encourage anyone who is willing to read this.

Sometimes things can seem really discouraging when we see things from our flesh. So I encourage you all to look past the things that your flesh sees and look from the spirit. Often times things happen and you find yourself almost asking how can God do this? Let me tell you that no matter how bad it may look you must see everything from the hand of God. All things are good. All things are for good.

Romans 11:33-36, Oh the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and how inscrutable His ways!
"For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been His counselor?"
"Or who has given a gift to Him that He might be repaid?"
For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be glory forever. Amen.

Seeking God through the laziness, disbelief, pride, or sheer lack of reverence is more important now than ever. In fact it is VITAL to us getting to the next level. There is a wall here, where other times God would have taken some pounds off and nudged you over the wall, this time the test is to see who will have enough desire to take themselves over that wall.

So if you are feeling lazy now or in the near future I encourage you to press in.
If you are struggling with disbelief I encourage you to seek God and find Him in the midst of your disbelief.
If things are not going the way you plan in your family, friends, or your own life, I encourage you to seek God and find out why things look the way they do.
If you do not think it's as important as I have said I encourage you to take my word for it as a friend.

Isaiah 55:6- Seek the Lord while He may be found; call on Him while He is near.
Psalm 119:2- Blessed are they who keep His statutes and seek Him with all their heart.

So be it...

The truth about our lies.

2008-01-30T22:04:00.000-08:00

Why do you think we so often tell someone we will do something, and in the end, not do it?

Like with the small things.
Like me telling Lisa I would go to the market with her last Sunday...
Or me telling Lisa I would take her recycling to the center...
Or me telling Robyn that I would go to S.P.C. Seminole campus last Monday...
Or me telling Robyn that I would take the antique bible out of my trunk...

I just don't really understand why we have made it so easy to put our word out there, only to end up falling short of our stated course of action.

Why even tell someone you are going to do something? Have we gotten to the point that we spread ourselves thin until we habitually lie so we can try to please everyone around us? When in reality its not even about pleasing that person. Its about getting the best of everyone in an attempt to lift ourselves up in a false place of honor.

I think I would rather be a man of credibility than be someone that dumps hopes (even if in small cases) of the ones he loves. I guess it comes down to slowing down again though... And speaking only what we know is truth, regardless of peoples feelings about us.

Is it not much more honorable to keep our word even in these small cases anyways? The effect of choosing our words carefully is a real place of honor and respect. To have people know in their hearts that they can count on you to carry out the things you tell them you will.

Every time I see an old friend from my past I talk to them about life, how things are going, and family. Afterwards I exchange numbers with them and tell them I will give them a call. In my heart I know that I will never call them... I don't know what you guys get from this example but it tells me that I try to satisfy them. The truth held back by the fear of being exposed... Do I really care that much about what this world thinks? In my heart, have I given this world more value than truth?.....

Father, we need you. I need you. They need you.
Father I ask that you will fill our every word with truth.
God teach us to slow down. To not put value on pleasing the ones around us. Teach us to honor each other, through truth, and to hold our tongue when it means we may utter a lie.
Father most of all I ask that you will reveal to us the value of truth, even when it exposes us to the core...

Amen.

So put away all falsehood and "tell your neighbor the truth" because we belong to each other. ~Ephesians 4:25

Our deepest fear

2008-01-27T16:33:00.000-08:00

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

-Marrianne Williamson.

1WHAT

2007-11-10T19:41:00.000-08:00

Real freedom!

2007-10-01T15:56:00.000-07:00

So I have just been spending some time looking at human behaviors lately. I noticed that often times our view of freedom is very off.

As children we desire the "freedoms" of a teenager. As teens we desire the "freedoms" of an adult. All of our life we look forward to a "freedom" of the future, as if our physical maturity or ability to indulge in the pleasures of this world, defines our freedom.

We all have the "freedom" to choose our career path, but most people end up feeling enslaved to their jobs, the clock, or debt. It is pretty ironic that the things we see as our freedoms are also the things that enslave us. Look at sin, one of the odd characteristics of sin is that it is a free act that enslaves you. Sin creates the illusion of freedom, in reality it makes you the cruel tyrant that holds yourself captive. Our self-imposed slavery goes deeper than just the pits we have trapped ourselves in. The tragedy of our imprisonment reaches into the deepest parts of out hearts. Our desire to be free both ignites and betrays us, and more often than not leads us to be completely consumed.

The cravings to sin in our lives have become symbols of our freedom, when at the same time gODs commandments have become symbols of religious oppression. And so as "free" people we can now live beyond what we think are religious restraints?? In reality the commandments of gOD were designed by Him to truly set us free. So to truly be free we must lose all of our "freedoms" for the sake of Christ. Jesus says this in Matthew 10:39- "He who has found his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for my sake will find it". We can be sure that this is true freedom because this is also something the word tells us in Galations 5:1- "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free", and in John 8:36- "So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed".

Whatever Jesus came to do, one thing is clear- He came to set you free. It is important that we do not miss this point. gOD has been so misrepresented. He has been seen as the divine legalist, the eternal killjoy. He has been represented as if He spends His time in eternity designing straight jackets and making shackles just for you. No wonder so many people start running for their lives whenever the name of gOD is mentioned. gOD is not a warden; He is a deliverer. And so eager that He was willing to be taken captive and crucified on your behalf just so you could run free...

"Do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love".
-Galations 5:13.

We kill ourselves. Rise up.

2007-09-03T19:39:00.000-07:00

Just thinking today and wondering why we always choose the second best... Why do we choose the second best? Its like we are offered a new BMW for twenty dollars or a bicycle for free. The choice should be a very easy one to make. I mean gOD offers us the heavens and all that is in it. gOD offers us a paradise beyond imagination. gOD offers us a love that cannot be explained or even taken in full. gOD offers us a relationship with him... The creator of everything... The reason we live and breathe each day.

The world offers us a false and temporary happiness that we must pay for in one way or another. The world offers a broken family, drug addicted loved ones, you and everyone around you deceived into thinking things are dandy while you sit with a place so empty that you would sell yourself for sex, or load your body with mind altering drugs just so you dont have to cope with reality. So why is the choice so often horribly made?

I say damn this world. Damn the systems that have my loved ones striving for breath. Damn the false happiness this world offers for the price of your very life. Rise up Wesley. Don't settle for this crap. Don't conform to the pattern of this broken society. Rise up Wesley. Rise up. You are a child of gOD. A child to a perfect father. We must accept hIM. Who cares if it takes a little obedience. You obey Satan or gOD anyways... so choose one. I say right now to myself and anyone else with a open ear, don't settle for this world. Don't settle. Don't settle. Don't settle. Choose to follow, and to do it radically.

fATHER give us strength. Reveal to us reality. Reveal to us your value. Sorry I cannot write more. I realize I speak to myself with this passage. Help me gOD.

Purify desires

2007-08-21T23:28:00.000-07:00

As lovers and believers of Christ do you agree that hE gives us the desires of our hearts? I really do believe this truth now more than ever. However this picture of receiving all that we desire is not always so pretty...

I read today in a book by Jake Colsen that in this kingdom you really do get what you seek (seems to be common knowledge for most of us). I read that is the point of the whole thing. If you desire a true relationship with gOD, you will receive it. As it was written in this book, Most of us would ask "Then why don't I have it? I thought that is what I have been seeking all along". In this book the response to the question was "No doubt, it might have been at first. But this works the other way around as well. If you look at what you've ended up with, then you will know what you have really been seeking!"

What have you ended up with? In my case I have ended up with a life full of a repeated pattern of stumbling and getting back up only to stumble again, a life full of deception, and a mask that still exists in more ways than I would like to admit. I would like to say that my desire was to have an intimate relationship with gOD, free from the veils that blind me from seeing hIM fully. Obviously deception has crept in somewhere, if it was not already present.

I desired a heart focused towards the fATHER and nothing else. In the beginning of my walk my heart may have been slightly correct. I say this because my desires and what I received were very similar. However somewhere in between then and now my heart has put a desire on something else. This goes to show just how deceived we are.

So I ask again, and this time think about what this means, do you believe gOD gives us the desires of our hearts? If so you realize that the desires of our heart are not as pure as they were thought to be. I encourage you to take this truth and ask gOD to examine your heart. Don't settle for less and don't let anything stand that has not been tested by gOD. Take sometime out and truly ask yourself the tough questions like what DO you stand for? What are your desires? Lets ask gOD to repair this place in all of us. Lets ask hIM to rip the veils once again.

Imagine the effect of a people like David, a people truly after the heart of gOD. Imagine the freedom you will see in families, in the church, in the world... Lets do this right. fATHER be with us.

Run fast.... Keep running.

2007-08-18T20:33:00.000-07:00

What is the effect of compromise? What is the effect of knowingly slowing your pursuit towards gOD?

One thing Robyn has spoke into me that I remember is when she told me that compromise ALWAYS takes you further than you want to go. Those words have become true to me. In the time it was spoken my pride kept me from coming to a realization of this truth. Now, more than six months later, I can look back on all the times I allowed just a small compromise in my life, and see what that compromise ended up being.

Compromise has taken me deep, real deep... Deeper than I ever wanted to go. In fact every time I backslide I can examine what happened and directly relate it to a compromise in my life. It makes me wonder if it is even possible to backslide without some form of compromise...?

Compromise will take YOU deep as well. Nobody can be exempt from the effects of compromise. The best thing you can do is stop NOW. So if the words you are reading come across as true to you, I encourage you to stop, examine yourself, find the small compromises you have accepted, and decide to no longer let those slip in... no matter how small they seem to be. If What you are reading seems false, swallow the pride and read again. Don't be discouraged but instead run fast and keep running......................YeeE HaaWww!

† Peace †

2007-08-03T21:02:00.000-07:00

Peace will not come out of a clash of arms but out of justice lived and done by unarmed nations in the face of odds. -Gandhi

A desire for traction.

2007-08-02T20:43:00.000-07:00

gOD...beyond exposing me, move me past the "naked" state...

Being exposed before you and my loved ones is not good enough, for the ones who I love can see right through me as it is...

Teach me what to do in the exposure...

No more compromise. No more fassads... No more running... Change me with your exposing light.

I know all things will be tested by your flame. Let me hold strong while I am stripped of all that is not of you and I ask that by your grace something will be left standing. So be it.

Captured

2007-08-01T19:27:00.000-07:00

How far will gOD go to capture the hearts of his children? How crazy do things look with our natural eyes, when gOD really is walking out an unimaginable perfectly divine plan? I know gODs plan for my life has involved many crazy things that I trust are for the best of me but I could never even begin to understand how. I will explain a certain situation to attempt to explain the divinity that I dont understand... lol

My mom decided to go to a Christmas party about 5 or 6 years back. At this party she met a man who about 2 years later, would become my legal stepfather. Although when I look back at this event I could easily say this was one of the worst decisions my mom has ever made, I believe gOD watched it with a smile.

The relationship before the marriage was horrible in my eyes. Keep in mind, my eyes do not see what gOD sees. The police were at my house about 25 days of the average month because of the problems associated with this relationship. Things got worse during the time of the marriage, my family moved over 20 times a year and most of my nights me and my brother spent on survival mode to protect myself and my family (I developed a nasty sleeping disorder that gOD has brought healing to).

Eventually my brother and I got onto the offensive side and did many horrible things to my stepfather. In May 2005 the police (who knew us very well and established relationships with my family) advised that we move out of the state (moving from the city did not make things any better). Most of my family lived in Florida, and the decision was made to once again pack up our things and go.

With $1400, a week, and all of our belongings, we moved over 600 miles to Seminole, FL. Here in Florida I got involved with John Collins (he was not yet saved) who smoked me out so I would attend the youth group at his church. At this church I gave my life over to Jesus and have been walking out this new way of life for about a year and a half.

WHATTT???

My life was what I would call HORRIBLE, and gOD used every detail of my past to bring me to a life of submission to Him as His child! Even now my family is as wild as it has been in the past and things happen every day that I can not see any good or gOD in.

But, we all MUST remember that gODs plan is always in action and he WILL see you through the tough and easy situations. He is gOD and he is divine no matter what is going on in your life. Situations just are. They are in gODs plan. They are covered by gOD. They are for the good of his kingdom. Trust him through the tough and the easy. He knows what He is doing in my life even when I dont believe this truth, and He knows what He is doing in yours too. He just wants your heart through it all.

†

2007-08-01T19:22:00.000-07:00

The Christ has returned.
His cross remains, bloodstained,
Heavy with our sins...
Thank you Jesus.

07/07/07

2007-08-01T16:57:00.000-07:00

WOW! LOL! No words to describe how GOD is moving in this place.
Really. . . No words. . . but I can try.

Ok... so yesterday we got a small tour of the property we will be working on. This is honestly by far the most beautiful place I have ever seen or even imagined. The pictures taken can show only a small amount of the beauty. After the tour we all started working on making grooves for the roof support. Some of us went off and started cleaning the steel beams that were going to be used for the roof support. A lot of the day was spent working.

It may not sound that great but it was sooo much opportunity to really connect with the people of the village. GOD's grace has really sped up the building of relationships in Panimaquin. By GOD's grace I have been able to get to know people when I don't even speak the same language.

I forgot to mention this but after we arrived a church service was held and we were able to worship with the people and pray over them (we also spoke on stage individually). After the work as done we had a discussion/prayer and went to sleep (sooo many details left out).

TODAY we all prayed this morning and went to work soon afterwards. Work was great and a lot got done. We finished early and played with the children for awhile. After eating and a little more work we went back to Bernard's for dinner. The village held a campfire at 7:00. I did not expect to be touched like what happened, just fellowship and marshmallows. We arrived a little late (7:30) and Jon Newhall led worship.

After worship we each shared our testimony. Jon Newhall shared a word about the value of GOD and opened up a prayer for everyone who showed up. Surprisingly we all were loudly praying and proclaiming the word of GOD. People began to pant rapidly, fall out on the ground, and shake violently (lol a little scary). The presence of GOD was more powerful than anything I have ever witnessed.

GOD THANK YOU FOR YOUR AWESOME MOVEMENT.

06/29/09

2007-07-30T16:22:00.000-07:00

I was in prayer with JC, Alicia, and D Walters when I realized that in my salvation and in my walk with GOD that HIS grace is much more present than I can even begin to imagine.

In the event of my salvation, when I truly turned my heart over to Christ (debatable) I came to the realization that nobody I ever heard of actually went after GOD to receive this gift, this is true in my case as well. I never turned my eyes and my heart to Christ. I never chased after a life with him. It was in a simple glance, just a small glance of GOD that Christ rushed into my heart.

In my case, I can go as far as saying that it was not out of choice, but GOD planted a desire in my heart so strong that I gave him a glance (not knowing who or where I was looking to) and in that movement, my life was redeemed by the grace of GOD. It is an amazing thought that GOD so desired to be with me and in me, he was waiting for just a glance at Him that he controlled in one way or another, so that he could rescue me.

It was a Wednesday night and I was at church for the youth group (which I only began to attend in the first place because JC smoked with me before we went)(he got saved that week!). It happened to be the one night out of the month that leadership decided to hold a game night for the youth instead of a normal service. Considering I was extremely stoned, the game night idea was not my favorite.

Dazed and Confused I sat aside while others ran around enjoying the dodge ball game. I remember D Sparks confronted me to ask why I was not playing. Of course I used an excuse because I could not tell him I was stoned (does not usually work too well with leadership). As he walked away something clicked in me (I do not have the slightest clue as to why or how) and I realized just who I really was in my most broken state. That's just when GOD answered the question that had not yet been asked. Who can do all that needed to be done in my life? GOD said "I can".

Instantly I came to a realization that my whole life was empty without HIM, and I was forced to accept what was true, and right, and just. That was about the time my knees gave out and every muscle in my body was suddenly in GOD's control. I ended up half-way crawling out the back door of the gym. Pastor Andrew and David Sparks (they saw everything unfold) were immediately following and praying over me.

Never that night did I choose to follow GOD. Never did I choose to follow GOD. Never did I "accept" Christ out of my free will. GOD's want for me to be with Him and His everlasting grace snatched me from the darkness I called home. It is by His grace that I pray to the same GOD that took over 2 years back. It is by His grace that we are not consumed by the fires of Hell. It is by His grace we are saved.

THANK YOU FATHER.

In You I am found.