No control.

Throughout my entire life I have tried to control everything around me. I have tried to control the small things and the big things of life. I can look back now and see that I really had no control over...anything. For some reason I still try to control things. You would think that looking back on a life of destruction and chaos would show me just how unable I am to control situations. If I had any control along the way then why have I been hurt by people? why was I drug addicted? why am I not free from every one of my flaws or issues? Because I have no control...

I find it weird that I still try. I still freak out when things don't go as planned. I still lack trust in so many areas of my life...

God I thank you that you have been in control. I thank you Father that you have kept me. I thank you for your grace in my life and for the patience that you have extended to me. I ask God that you would teach me how to surrender fully to your will, your plans, and your hand in my life. Father will you remove from me the false sense of control that I have held onto. Father will you teach me how to trust you with everything in this life you have given me. As Proverbs 3 says, let me not lean onto my own understanding but acknowledge you in all ways so that you can direct my path. I thank you Father for the work you are doing in me and I thank you that you love me enough to see these things released from me. You are Holy Father and you are so faithful to complete the work in me. In the name of your Son, Jesus Christ, amen.

(1 Samuel 2:6-9) "The LORD kills and makes alive; He brings down to the grave and brings up. {7} The LORD makes poor and makes rich; He brings low and lifts up. {8} He raises the poor from the dust And lifts the beggar from the ash heap, To set them among princes And make them inherit the throne of glory. "For the pillars of the earth are the Lord's, And He has set the world upon them. {9} He will guard the feet of His saints, But the wicked shall be silent in darkness. "For by strength no man shall prevail.

Slaves to Righteousness

When you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? The end of those things is death. But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. -- Romans 6:20-23.

Let us not walk in the Old man nature that is so easily taken up. Let us truly become who you have destined us and set us out to be. Show us the reality of our freedom and let us accept and embrace it in fullness. Teach us to be led by you in our minds and our hearts in every matter and to trust you fully. Thank you Father for who you are and your grace that flows over each one of us. Amen.

Guatemala

Recently a team of about 10 of my close friends and I went to Guatemala for 10 days to share life with, and minister to the people of a village called Panimaquin.
I started the trip out, to be honest, with my heart in the wrong place. I was disconnected from the group in my heart and had a general pissed off kind of attitude. After a day of traveling, we got to the Village. This really called a lot of things back to my memory of a trip that I had taken there last year. I almost instantly felt connected with the people of the village again. It was very interesting to see how people had grown both physically and spiritually.
After the first two days I really felt back on track and was able to get closer to some of the young men that worked and went to school on the project. Me and a couple of the guys put a new styrofoam (Yes, very far from the comforts of home) ceiling in the church building. This helped for insulation and better sound quality throughout the building. The ceiling project allowed me to just hang out with the male employees on the project and really helped me in my times of prayer for them.
About halfway into the trip we had a youth rally and the first night we split into girl/guy groups. Both groups turned out to really recieve from the messages that were spoken. In the guys group one of the young men told us that he loved us. This was extremely rare because of the hardness of many mens hearts in that culture (It actually made the pastor that was translating cry).
The second night of the youth rally we had some worship and then we got to pray over the teens of the area. This meeting was truly amazing and the Father showed up in a mighty way in many peoples lives.
Ministry continued throughout the week and God really put upon peoples hearts that they would be returning to Panimaquin for a much longer time. In fact some have changed majors in college and began to shape their lives around the ministry that is to be done in that area.
This trip truly changed alot of things in me and it broke me to see just how blessed americans are in some ways and in others, they are anything but blessed.
I would like to write more about the experiences and the people but I am running short on time so I will be posting excerpts from my journal in a couple of days.
In the meantime and in the future I would ask that anyone reading this would pray for this village of Panimaquin, that they would recieve revival and that God would be established as king over that region.

A look back...

This past week has been a big one for me. I must say this week has been a hard one for me as well. I have taken a lot of time to think about a lot of things. I have taken a look at the things I have slacked on recently and I have taken a look at the things that I should have given less attention to. There are some things that I would like to share, in hope that it would encourage you all as it has encouraged me.

Most of the people I spend my time with know a lot about my past. They know the things I was involved in and the things that meant the world to me. Drugs enveloped my mind and my actions. Lust for the things of this world was stronger than I can even recognize at this point.

As I took a look back at that life, my heart began to pound and I became instantly nauseous. I was shocked. I was shocked to the point that my immediate reaction was that of disgust and the first thought that came to my head was something like this... "I could never live that life again. Never, ever, ever, again."

At this point I am so filled with gladness because it has been a while since I have taken the time to slow down and see what my Father has taken me from... I have been delivered from sure destruction. That idea can usually be tossed around quite easily with me to be completely honest (not something I am proud of). It can be tossed around because I have rarely taken the time to slow down enough for that reality to set in. Right now, in this moment, that reality has me stunned.

I thank you Father for the Grace you have consistently extended to me. I thank you Father for being my Redeemer, my Savior, my Leader, my Father who has loved me in my time of need. I thank you Jesus for shedding your blood so that I can be free from my prison.

Father let me never again begin to lose sight of who you have been and what you really mean to me. Amen.

Unconditional love

There have been plenty of times throughout my walk as a lover of God where I have let shame get the best of me. In fact, I can say that shame has been one of the biggest things holding me back from what God has planned for me. Geez... shame.... why is it even present? To think that God's love is conditional is probably the biggest lie that I have ever fed into. The more I go on the more I realize that God does not even see my wrongs. I know that God is all seeing and I know that all of you have probably heard that one a time or two but seriously... God does not see our wrongs.

When the bible tells us that "God so loved the world", how does that get twisted into "God so loved the ones who follow his commands?" Reality is God gave his son for a people that were covered in sin. God's love never changes and his forgiveness will be forever extended to anyone that is willing to get over themselves and receive it. Debts are paid, sins are washed away, faults are unseen to those who are willing to accept it. I refuse to believe the lie that tells me God's love can be cut short.

God loves those of you who can only be counted on to fail.
God loves those of you that hate yourselves.
God loves those of you that just cannot meet the mark.
God's love is extended through EVERYTHING.

Romans 8:37-39 But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Thank you father.

Word of God

O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting? For sting is the sin that results in death, and the law gives sin in its power. How we thank God, who gives us victory over sin and death through Jesus Christ our Lord! So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and steady, always enthusiastic about the Lord's work, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless. --1 Corinthians 15:55-58

Stay strong, stay steady, stay ready, pursue the Father when you do not want to.

Word of Encouragement

Hello to all.
I just wanted to come and encourage anyone who is willing to read this.

Sometimes things can seem really discouraging when we see things from our flesh. So I encourage you all to look past the things that your flesh sees and look from the spirit. Often times things happen and you find yourself almost asking how can God do this? Let me tell you that no matter how bad it may look you must see everything from the hand of God. All things are good. All things are for good.

Romans 11:33-36, Oh the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and how inscrutable His ways!
"For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been His counselor?"
"Or who has given a gift to Him that He might be repaid?"
For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be glory forever. Amen.

Seeking God through the laziness, disbelief, pride, or sheer lack of reverence is more important now than ever. In fact it is VITAL to us getting to the next level. There is a wall here, where other times God would have taken some pounds off and nudged you over the wall, this time the test is to see who will have enough desire to take themselves over that wall.

So if you are feeling lazy now or in the near future I encourage you to press in.
If you are struggling with disbelief I encourage you to seek God and find Him in the midst of your disbelief.
If things are not going the way you plan in your family, friends, or your own life, I encourage you to seek God and find out why things look the way they do.
If you do not think it's as important as I have said I encourage you to take my word for it as a friend.

Isaiah 55:6- Seek the Lord while He may be found; call on Him while He is near.
Psalm 119:2- Blessed are they who keep His statutes and seek Him with all their heart.

So be it...

The truth about our lies.

Why do you think we so often tell someone we will do something, and in the end, not do it?

Like with the small things.
Like me telling Lisa I would go to the market with her last Sunday...
Or me telling Lisa I would take her recycling to the center...
Or me telling Robyn that I would go to S.P.C. Seminole campus last Monday...
Or me telling Robyn that I would take the antique bible out of my trunk...

I just don't really understand why we have made it so easy to put our word out there, only to end up falling short of our stated course of action.

Why even tell someone you are going to do something? Have we gotten to the point that we spread ourselves thin until we habitually lie so we can try to please everyone around us? When in reality its not even about pleasing that person. Its about getting the best of everyone in an attempt to lift ourselves up in a false place of honor.

I think I would rather be a man of credibility than be someone that dumps hopes (even if in small cases) of the ones he loves. I guess it comes down to slowing down again though... And speaking only what we know is truth, regardless of peoples feelings about us.

Is it not much more honorable to keep our word even in these small cases anyways? The effect of choosing our words carefully is a real place of honor and respect. To have people know in their hearts that they can count on you to carry out the things you tell them you will.

Every time I see an old friend from my past I talk to them about life, how things are going, and family. Afterwards I exchange numbers with them and tell them I will give them a call. In my heart I know that I will never call them... I don't know what you guys get from this example but it tells me that I try to satisfy them. The truth held back by the fear of being exposed... Do I really care that much about what this world thinks? In my heart, have I given this world more value than truth?.....

Father, we need you. I need you. They need you.
Father I ask that you will fill our every word with truth.
God teach us to slow down. To not put value on pleasing the ones around us. Teach us to honor each other, through truth, and to hold our tongue when it means we may utter a lie.
Father most of all I ask that you will reveal to us the value of truth, even when it exposes us to the core...

Amen.

So put away all falsehood and "tell your neighbor the truth" because we belong to each other. ~Ephesians 4:25

Our deepest fear

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

-Marrianne Williamson.